The Update to Break the Silence

July 22, 2014

Hey there, followers.

 

Yet again, I'm about a week delayed in updating.  But, as I currently feel like walking bones and muscles, I had the best intentions.

 

I try to keep my updates as optimistic as possible.  With all of the "woe is me's" in the world, it makes me feel good to put something positive into the world, with the hopes that it is somehow returned to me.  Whether it be new goals I've set for myself, new accomplishments, or just some type of happy thought, it makes me feel better to know that maybe someone will get something out of these updates.  Somewhere in my tiny corner of the world, someone will read my thoughts and think, "Wow.  She's great.  Maybe I can be great, too."

 

Sadly, this is not one of those updates.

 

I could vomit a list of excuses as to what's my shtick.  

Maybe it's because apartment hunting just sucks.  That, if I don't commit to something, I'll be homeless in about 10 days.  

Maybe it's because I had a stressful weekend full of traveling.  

Maybe it's because something that I was really looking forward to - my TurboKick instructor training - was canceled, and I'm disappointed that I cannot get to another one in the near future.

Maybe it's because I'm currently waiting for 2 weeks' worth of laundry to finish in the dryer.

Maybe it's because I'm worried about my upcoming finances.

Maybe it's because I'm honestly exhausted.  

Maybe it's because I'm 25 years old and I just miss my Mommy.

 

Whatever the case may be, I haven't exercised in about 4 days, and that makes me feel like shit.

 

But again, I have to ask, "Why, self?"

 

Probably because it makes me reminisce a time that I didn't exercise at all.  A time when I actually made the statement, "Anyone who runs for pleasure just might be crazy."

 

I was over 200 lbs.  I didn't know what it meant to accomplish something physically.  I never touched a dumbbell, or did a kickboxing/dance DVD, or even go for a walk.

 

I have become a bit of a warrior since those times.  I've ran races, I've gained strength, I've gotten smaller.  I've done Insanity for God's sake.

So, the fact that I'm ignoring a big piece of myself - that I've taken 4 days away from something that's now second nature - makes me feel like I'm failing again.

 

(Might I just add, mid-thought, that to write this statement is to reveal a giant piece of my soul.  I'm sorry if I'm swimming too deep for some of you, but to recognize and share your stressors is rejuvenating and strengthening.)

 

Well, that's just not fair.  I'm not a failure.  Why do I immediately jump to such an awful conclusion?

 

My time and energy are precious right now, but that doesn't mean I should neglect my daily joys.

 

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to make time for what's important to me - to not let anything, no matter the agenda or importance of the task, rob me of what makes me breathe a little easier.

 

I'm going to make time to do something that challenges me, so I can have time to feel proud of myself again.

 

I'm going to put proper time and energy into daily to-do lists and weekly goals, so that I commit to such success.

 

And, finally, I'm going to take time every day to reflect on who I am and to remember that I am FAR from a failure.

I have done great things.

I will continue to be and do extraordinary.

 

I will not be broken.

 

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Don’t put off living to next week, next month, next year or next decade. The only time you’re ever living is in this moment.” - Celestine Chua

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