I know I probably put you through a lot, but I'm blessed beyond words to have you. This morning in particular has reminded me of your resilience, and I need to take a moment to express such gratitude.
On March 15th, I ran 13.1 miles without stopping. Nine days later, aside from walking and my usual daily activities, I have not accomplished any physical activity whatsoever. In addition, my eating habits have been atrocious. I have given into stress eating multiple times, and I am still consuming carbohydrates as if I'll be running from Central Park to Wall Street again. Such behaviors have caused me to feel lethargic, stressed, and bloated.
Immediately, my self-doubt had been disturbed from its hibernation mode. I thought, "I need to weigh myself soon. I need to eat cleaner. I need to get back on track with exercise. I'm being careless and I'm gaining weight. I just know it." So, this week, I vowed to change my habits and get back into my conscious routine.
But first, I knew I would have to face the music. I had my measuring tape nearby, and I stepped on the scale. I gave myself a peptalk, saying "Okay, as long as you see digits under 155, you'll forgive yourself and move on."
At the beginning of February, just prior to my race, I weighed 148.6.
Today, nearing the end of March, I weigh 149.
I have barely gained half a pound. I could not believe it. For once, this electronic box was on my side, encouraging me to lighten up. I immediately felt both a sigh of relief but also a bit of disappointment in my confidence. Metabolism, I treat you well. I fuel myself properly 80% of the time to reward myself the remaining 20. I work hard so life can be more enjoyable. After all of these years of trying to rebuild you, metabolism, I am sorry that I still do not trust myself or you. But, today, I learned a lesson. Today I learned that, when you're held down for any reason, it's okay to stay on the ground for a minute... just as long as you always get back up.
My promise to you is to stop pressuring myself and to relax a little bit.
You know what you're doing.
I know what I'm doing.
Live and let live.
Thank you again for proving my own strength to me. I really needed that.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” - African Proverb