I've Done More Than I Have to Do
Every time I think "halfway there," I think of Bon Jovi. Good work, Mom.
So, I have made it to Day 15 of the Whole30. And I thought I'd make an update today, because I know you'd rather hear about the pain points. It seems insincere to update solely with how amazing I feel once it's Day 30. I will let you know: the struggle has been real. Honestly, fighting temptations hasn't been as hard as I thought it'd be. Prior to beginning, I did my research. I made sure I had a lot of fun recipes ideas and meals that could be frozen ahead of time. That being said: the energy dips have been BRUTAL. One day, I'll have the energy of 5 cups of coffee. The next day, I'll be trudging through mud for hours. I guess the most frustrating part of this is that none of these fluctuations are within my control. Like, I can totally budget the time to exercise, and then when I start moving my body, I feel like a truck has already flattened it. I knew that I'd need a little more rest on the Whole30, but I didn't know it would feel like pure EXHAUSTION.
I'm just trying to be patient with myself and allow for rest when necessary. I have had artificial sugar practically every day for months. My body WILL be affected by its detox. But, when I do have natural energy, I HAUL ASS.
This experience has also very much highlighted my emotional eating habits. In the middle of a bad day at work, I think about cookies. When I have a bubble bath, I want to have a glass of wine. Why? Will that glass of wine really ease my day's stresses? Will those cookies really assist in controlling my anxiety? It's been pretty awesome to address these feelings right when they're happening. It's difficult, but incredibly insightful. Journaling helps. Drinking hot tea helps. I'm also very proud to say that I have not cried over cake just yet. The sugar detox has surprisingly been more physically challenging (energy dips and mood swings) than it has been emotionally challenging. If there's a cookie in front of me, I don't necessarily feel discouraged because I can't eat it. But, I also want to be very clear that I'm not living in a bubble. My coworkers have eaten Girl Scout cookies in front of me. My manager baked two batches of brownies and didn't think I'd see them in the freezer. Last weekend, I went to dinner with a group of people and said no to the bread, wine, pasta, and chocolate cake. It was hard, but I did it and I survived. And I was only a *little* left out.
I truly don't miss the food itself, as I know it will always be there. I know that, at any time in April, I can have a gigantic piece of cake and a glass of wine. But, for now, I'm focusing on how certain foods make me feel. I'm focusing on my overall wellness, and I'm also becoming a lot more open-minded when it comes to whole foods. Did you guys know that beets are actually good? Did you know that you can make tomato soup without any dairy? I know these things now, and I probably wouldn't have without challenging myself in this way. I am halfway through this month. I have done more than I have to do. At this point, quitting or caving would be a disappointment for how hard I've worked so far. I will stay motivated and focused. I will be brave. I wanted to test myself with the Whole30 this month because I wanted validation that I am disciplined enough to do it. But, while in progress, I'm learning SO much about who I am, how I cope, and what I can do to better manage my anxiety. I also want you to know that you are capable of this, too. Maybe you have zero interest in the Whole30, but please know that you can set a monthly goal for yourself. You CAN stay dedicated to it for 30 days. You CAN see a difference.
I know it can be hard, though, especially when nobody else is really on your wavelength. But I promise you, you have one person: me. So, if you have a 30 day goal and you really want to make it happen... you know how to find me. I'm rooting for you.
QUOTE OF THE DAY "If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can't accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through." - Rosalynn Carter